ख़ामोशी

ताकते रहते है दीवारों पर टंगी तस्वीरों को
पर कोई गुफ़्तगू करने से ये कायर दिल डरता है 

एक, दो, तीस, साठ कहा चल दिया ये वक़्त 
इतनी जल्दी मैं है फिर भी ठहरा सा लगता है 

दर्द उठता है दिल से और कानो मैं चीखता है 
पलकें बंद करो तो आँखों मैं उतर आता है 

सरकने लगते है खारे पानी के मोती किनारों से 
जो आँखों मैं उमड़ा सैलाब ना सम्हलता है 

आह आती है दिल से की सिसकियो से तोड़ दे ये ख़ामोशी  
मगर ये कमज़ोर दिल इतनी हिम्मत कहा रखता है 

ताकते रहते है दीवारों पर टंगी तस्वीरों को 
पर कोई गुफ़्तगू करने से ये कायर दिल डरता है। 

The Dream

 Long ago she made a promise to herself, to never show her soft soul to the world. 
Every day she would get up and put her poker face on, the one that does not understand any emotions, that would not cry no matter what, that should not show that she too can melt like a stick of butter in the warmth of love.

She faked it for so long that she began forgetting her true self, even with her own people her loved ones, her friends, her family she would never let the real her be seen through the mask.

Inside though, she would suffocate and cry to breathe in her own skin. But wearing her emotions on her sleeve was too big of a risk!
What if someone touches the string of her heart? She would fall in love with the harmony this touch would create? What if she would get lost in that rhythm and forget her real goal? No! She must never reveal the real her.

Facing the real world with a poker face was like climbing 100 stairs everyday catching up to her breath, with every step, but there was a world beyond, where no one judges her, where she could be the person she really wants to be.

The coziness and warmth of her bed, her little pillow cloud had some magic. Her dreamland became her real world.  She can cuddle her mom and cry a river for the failures in life. It felt so easy to just accept that  she too feels fear, sorrow and love. Here she can have that sparkling eyes filled with love.

Her big feminist ego would not restrict her to imagine her head resting on a man's shoulder, her head calm composed, as if everything is going to be all right.

Amused with the other side of her, she would always smile like a sleeping beauty while asleep. Ticked with the imagination, she would cuddle her pillow tight and let her dream world take over.

Everyday was a challenge but dreams were, what gave her the inspiration to move ahead.  

Time flew fast and there came the day she had worked so hard for, and it almost felt complete. Almost. That was it. Where to go next? She had had no clue. All she ever wanted was right in front of her, a career, name, respect, everything! Everything, but the dream that always made her smile.

It was time! The air around her got warmer, her shoulders felt so light, like she had shed tons of weight off them, the wrinkles on her forehead faded, her eyebrows were soft.

She closed her eyes and there it was, her head resting on a broad shoulder....

 It felt like a dream, she opened her twinkling eyes to meet the man in the eye and leaned back on his shoulder again.
She can take all the time in the world to enjoy the moment... he is not going anywhere, and it is not a dream anymore, that would fade away next morning. 

Ek Baat ..

 उलझी उलझी सी क्यों रहती हो आजकल


 इन लटों को सुलझाओ तो कोई बात कहूं 




बुनती रहती  हो जो ख्यालो के जाल दिनभर


उन सपनो से बाहर  आओ तो बात कहूं




कुरेदती हो छुपे दबे ज़ख्मो को अक्सर


उन पर मिटटी  डाल पाओ तो बात कहूं




जो अमीट सी आग जलाए रहती हो भीतर


संतोष की शीत से बुझाओ तो बात कहूं




खुशिया खोजते गुज़र जाती है ज़िन्दगी कई


ख़ुशी मैं भी तू खुश न रह पाए तो क्या बात कहूं

Dear Nothin Within...

Dear nothing within ... it has been so long we had a talk, i don't know where to start... First thing first, my apology for not writing you for so long. Indeed you have all the rights to kick my butt. See my guts ,How can i dare to keep you waited for a post for such a long time? But my dear friend so many good things are happening here that i hardly get time to make a note about how lazy i am becoming day by day. Yeah yeah i know i know now you will start with what a sleepy lazy bum i used to be in college time and how i hated the mornings like anything. Surprisingly mornings are not so bad any more. Now that i have this cute little chubby piece of mine sleeping next to me as i open my eyes in the morning. somehow its just so refreshing!

I know you would say if i get up early and don't even work now a days what the hell i do the whole day. It's not as simple as you believe it is, miss nothin within. at least not when you have the cutest baby in the world. Who just smiles and look into your eyes.. like you mean the world to him. You wont understand how hard it is not to look at his divine face while he is napping. Overwhelmed is the word. But there is nothing wrong going crazy about how adorable is my little master.and even if is i am an exception :P. Sorry i can't finish a blog without a smiley you know me ;).

But sometimes i really miss how close we used to be at one time. I had had shared almost every secret,joy and concern with you at a time and you were always there for me. In-fact you did more than what i expect from you. You gave me the confidence that i could be loved through my writing.I might have been just a mundane poet and a sloppy writer but you always encouraged me to be what i wanted to be. So much happened so fast that i never got a chance to look back and thank for everything what nothin within has given me in all these time. so many good friends,believers and of course people who have shown faith in me and what i do.

But before i could see that we are ripping apart it hit me. Yes yes the same thing i was most afraid of. One fine day in this big world i suddenly found the one person who became everything to me. Afraid to confess that i finally got him, i'd just shut my eyes to my sweetest dream, i convinced myself that it is just an illusion. But how long one can resist what one desperately wants, lastly i opened my eyes to see that the dream was all real and it was all mine. I did give you a hint about this. didn't i? well you know me it had never been easy for me to tell things straight away. after all i am a writer i know how to weave things ;). but there was one more reason for hiding it from you, i was afraid that things will never going to be the same between us anymore. My friend it happens when you meet the one who can solve all your problems, who never get bored listening to your non sense, a great critic, a believer and who trust you for his life and most importantly who gives you all the freedom in life. And when you get that you will not go anywhere, because you know you can go anywhere you want. It sounds so weirdly insane but this is what it really is. My whole life i fought for my rights, my space, my beliefs, my reputation, my identity but the more i fought for it the more i became the person what others thought i cant be not the one i wanted to be. With him i found so much freedom that i understood i wasn't running behind freedom all my life i was running in the search of boundaries. I wanted to limit myself to want i am and not searching for what else i could be. Focusing on doing what i always thought i would do some day. Spending some time in just my world, away from people who expect me to be want they want me to be, just living my life in a leisure, doing the things i love. Sharing the life with the most wonderful husband in the world, raising the cutest baby, writing the book i always wanted to write, learning things, snoozing in a cozy comforter on a chilly day yawn yawn!! :) living every moment of the life like it has been made only for me.

Believe me i might be a different person now but certainly not for you. see i am still keeping you posted about everything ... like i always used to ;).

Love

Your's Beloved Blogger.

Khoi hai ek parachayi jo mere sang sang chala karti thi

Khoi hai ek nishani si wo jo har moud par mila karti thi

Kuch rang thi wo, kuch roshani si, bas sath raha karti thi

Khoi hai ek khanak hansi, jo meri aawaz main hua karti thi

Khoi hai ek natakhat si pari, kahi mujhame basaa karti thi

Masoom si thi wo, kuch shaitan si, bas yu hi rup badalati thi

Khoi hai aankho ki wo chamak, jisame dunia dikha karti thi

Khoi hai bheetar ki rohsani, andhero main jo raah batati thi

Suraj si kabhi ek jyot si, ek aag thi jo man main jalaa karti thi

Khoi hai gam ki chahat, kabhi sadaa seene main basa karti thi

Khoi hai khudase roothi raatein, aksar shikayato main beeta karti thi

Khafa rahte the khudase, phir bhi dil main ek tasalli si rahti thi

Khoi hai jaan.. jism ko choad tanha, har saans usko jaise chubha karti thi

Khoi hai khudpe gumaan karne ki chahat, apani hasti hi jaise apani naa thi

Naa jaane koun likh betha ye lafaz kagaz pe, meri ruh to abhi jaagi naa thi

Waqt ne aisi pheri ungliya gili ret par

har lahar ke sath mera Naksh badlata raha

Komal kabhi, kabhi malin kutil sa kahi

Kadam kadam par naya saya mujhe milta raha

Ek shikhar, ek kann hun ya thokaro ki dhul mein

Nit nayi pahchaan se hi man mera ladta raha

Saaf ukarin tasviron se mil raha sagar kuch yun

Aks mera hole hole maati main khota raha

Dhun main apni madmast tha kuch yu samaa

Chode bina nishaniya meri bas aage badta chala

Bas aage badta chala